It’s a amazing to me that our society does not talk about virginity. Or rather it is talked about in two discrete contexts: academic and porn. One answers the question of “What does it look like?”, while the other “What is it for?”, yet neither really tells you “How to use it.” In particular, neither will tell you how to have sex for the first time in such a way as to minimize the pain.
Disclaimer: I am a guy. As such, I don’t have intuitive knowledge of the subject, so it would be nice if girls chimed in. I have, however “deflowered” a girl, which, I feel, was a huge responsibility.
When losing virginity, couple of things to keep in mind:
- Girls, do NOT do it just to get it over with. You’ll likely regret it if you do. He doesn’t have to be Mr. Right, but make sure he is a good guy. This experience will likely affect your future relationships, so the main thing is: make sure you two are on the same page.
- Guys, do NOT do it unless you really like the girl. Chances are that she will become very emotionally invested in you if you are her first.
Now for the practical side: do NOT go for the home-run right away. And girls, if a guy trying to persuade you that that’s what you should do, he is not the right guy for this.
Having said that, you can take a couple of steps to minimize (or eliminate) the pain and maximize the pleasure.
- Do not just jump into it. Start slowly: first just play around (hands). Have him use his pinky. Then go up in fingers until he is using his thumb and then move up to two fingers at a time. This can be done over a period of several days (or longer).
- You can also start by using toys of variable size and gradually work up to the level you feel comfortable with.
- When time comes, he doesn’t have to go in all the way, but can go very slowly entering millimeter by millimeter: just like when you stretch for sports, you can give the body some time to adjust.
- Instead of traditionally letting the guy do the work (missionary position), leave that for later. Start with the girl on top so that she controls the movement and makes sure that she goes as slowly or as fast as she wants the first time.
If you have any other suggestions, please leave a comment. Also, I would really appreciate it if you gave me some feedback on whether this information has been helpful and if you would like me to elaborate on any of this.
